AUTHORITIES RELEASE BRAD DOHERTY!!!

Brad "Boner" Doherty, the former Brownsville Herald photographer now residing in San Antonio, is a free man after spending a week in jail. Doherty gained his release via the laudable efforts of his attorney.

"I have defended artists in the past and I will defend artists until my dying breath," said Justo Leyes with a haggard Doherty standing at his side. "This man is not a pervert. This man isn't wasting his talents on pornography. I will not allow the religious fanatics to crush our country's creativity. We must defeat the Islamic and Christian madmen before they defeat us."

The authorities arrested Doherty at the Spanish Moon during the opening of his show entitled "Baptism" for a select audience in which he photographs naked women wading across the river from Matamoros to Brownsville. A Catholic relief organization asserted that some of the nubile figures were underage adolescents.

"This is scandalous," preached the Brownsville bishop who has never once condemned the pedophile priests who have found the pickings easy to their lascivious liking among an ignorant people on the border.

"The man is a voyeur and belongs behind bars," continued the cleric from the pulpit during his Sunday homily. "He is raping innocent girls with his lens."

An infuriated Leyes denounced his client's critics in no uncertain terms.

"This incident evokes memories of Franco's forces snatching the poet Federico Garcia Lorca and summarily executing him during the Spanish Civil War. This is the United States of America. We don't live in a Taliban state!"

Yvette Vela, Doherty's one-time understudy at the newspaper, rallied to her mentor's cause.

"I know Brad and his intentions have never been anything less than honorable," fumed Vela. "I am outraged. I am a woman. He treated his subjects with the utmost respect. There is nothing more magnificent than the human body."